Happy New Year

Its 2017! First day of the new year !! This year I actually have some resolutions !  To sum it up I'm a road of self discovery and I'm very excited about it. Since I have somewhat of a plan. Before I wanted to do and be more but had no idea. Today I'm going to do something I've been wanting to do and that is to walk around white rock lake. (Okay maybe not the whole thing ) and try out a new restaurant in the area. I've been in a rutt in the past years and slowly feel myself comming out of it. Do I wish I had a man to do this with? Yes! But I don't , and that doesn't mean I stop living!

Would you ever....

Date someone who has been incarcerated?  I know my answer, hell no!!!!  Check out the conversation I had with yet another Tinder prospect.

What would make me run away? Getting a text like that. LOL. No really though, talking to him on and off over text and on the phone, I actually thought he was sweet. A little short for my taste (5'8) but, love is blind right? So I chatted with him with an open mind. Just not THAT open. If he never told me I would have never guessed he was a convicted felon. Do I make excuses for him and find out the details before I decide to give him the boot. I mean, what if he was 15 at the time and was charged as an adult? But then what if he wasn't and he was charged with 3rd degree murder or something.  Do I really want to take a RISK on someone I haven't even met in person.  No thanks. Tinder has an ever revolving door of men. I'll take my chances and try to find someone over 5'8 with no criminal record.   Here is how the rest of the conversation plays out.

Then 2 days latter I awake to a string of texts.....

He has a point. We do tell people to be honest. As soon as he is women stop talking to him. He could be different now or just had a lousy lawyer back then. Maybe is he came from money he would have gotten slap on the wrist and this would be a non issue. I try not to be judgmental, and realize I am like others when faced with information such as this and jump to my own conclusions. Not to bad mouth anyone in particular, I do it more to protect myself from getting hurt. Sometimes I assume the worst,  "better safe then sorry" I tell myself . Part of me realized in his text that this is why people lie about certain things or omit them when getting to know someone. They don't want to be rejected.

I however, have more then myself to think of. I have my daughter to think of and she is worth more then any man. I am not a "prison wife" remember that show?? It was of desperate women marrying men behind bars, some with life sentences, And you know that these men would NEVER marry them if they were not in prision. Some of them were actually good looking guys! 

Check out this episode (from what I remember this was a good one)

 So, I ended the convo on a friendly note.  This person is not going to be my next husband but, he got me to see a few things from his point of view that I never really took the time to see.

34

I'm going to be 34 tomorrow. No longer young not quite "old" but soon will be .  I think my daughter is more excited then I am about my birthday . It's so sweet. That little girl loves the death out of me . She thinks I'm the best thing in the world when in reality she has a pretty simple mom. I really hope I don't spend my 40's chasing love like I am in my 30's. I certainly hope that I am off all the dating sites soon and feel that I am almost too old for all this dating stuff. Sigh.... I really wanted to be married with three kids at this age. Sometimes holidays and birthdays really overwhelm me and have me wishing I had more. When I know I should be counting my blessings. 34 years living a long and healthy life. One amazing little girl. Loving and supporting parents . A job and a house. And some really good friends . I don't want to take it forgranted and sometimes I do . But I am Thankfull!!

Oh and the guy with the Jurassic park shirt  did have red flags and we don't speak anymore . Yep I'm a professional dater I can call it before it even happens. Smh.

Thanksgiving weekend

It's the Sunday after thanksgiving weekend . My daughter spent the time with her dads family and I had the time to myself . I didn't miss her per say. Lol . Does that make me a bad mom? I was more just had moments where I worried about her. I am happy she was having fun with her cousins she sees not as often as I am sure she would like. I grew up as a child bouncing between homes and I totally support her getting to know her other family too. I am not the type of mom that holds her kid hostage out of retaliation or because they think of the child as an object they own.

But, I did have bouts of being lonley. Wishing I had a companion. Like in all my other long holiday weekends in the past. Staying up late watching movies sleeping in and going to breakfast and spending the afternoons together window shopping or going to a museum. It's funny how God or the universe works . I know it's just not my time and I am meant to just be alone until it happens. Until it's suppose to happen.  Even this past Friday when I went to the movies with my parents, the theatre was packed only front row seats left except for a  2 seats a few rows back. My parents opted to sit back there, and I sat in the front alone . It's fait I tell myself. I can't escape it even when I try!

So yesterday, Saturday after I went to the gym, got an estimate for my car( it was in a minor accident) picked up a white elephant gift for my daughters Christmas party and washed and vacuumed out my car. I came back home alone.  Torn between making a sandwich or taking a nap. Major decisions! When I get a text from someone from tinder asking me what I was up too. Then he asked me to lunch. Sounded better then eating a tuna sandwich at home. But I didn't want to go just because I was bored either.  What the heck I decided to go. I was curious about him. He is 42 never been married and no kids. Never had a long term relationship of more then 2 years. He seemed semi educated and not some sort of  sex fiend . So I go, and had a delicious lunch and good conversation. He wore a Jurassic park shirt, a little nerdy but in a cute way. We talked about how we loved the first Jurassic park and not so much the others. I told him how I tried to take up tennis for a hobby and how I got kicked out of the meet up group because I sucked.  He laughed and told me he use to be an avid tennis player and suggested we go play one day. It was , surprisingly a nice first date. Maybe because I was lonley maybe that's why it seemed nice? I don't know. Usually I end my dates after the meal but he asked if I wanted to go to Dave and Busters after. I wasn't doing shit else so I go.

What is wrong with him? There is something that's got to be wrong with him. He's smart and I would say above average when it comes to looks. Drove a nice car. Goes to church with his mom every week and has Sunday diners at home. What's the catch? I know there has to be one.  I've been on over 30 online dates ( I stopped counting after 30 and that was a year ago) and never have I met someone who seems so normal like this guy without a red flag or 2 or 3.

Am I looking for something to be wrong ? Yes! I can't help it. I'm use to it.

Sleepless in Dallas

Sleepless in Dallas . It's 1:37 am and I'm up wide awake with my 8 year old in bed next to me and a full days worth of work ahead of me. My friend and fellow serial dater single mom texted me at 11 pm. Saying "omg" and a picture of my ex boyfriend of 3 years and his new beau. "Wow, where did you find this ?!?! " someone she is chatting with on tinder's ex wife.  I bet she didn't expect when she Facebook stalked him and then his ex wife ( yes ladies you know you  look for the exes pages too to see how you measure up!) she expected to see her with my old flame. This is why I am up. Still. I've been checking out her page and am amazed  of all the pictures she has with him. All of our old spots we visited as a couple he has taken her too. All the fun activities we did with my daughter he is now doing with hers. Funny thing is I broke up with him and haven't given him much thought until now. Not quite sure how to feel. A little bambozzled  and humbled I guess. Also surprised that his antics have worked on another volnerable single mom and also a tad bit envious . While others seem to be moving on , I'm still here . The same spot . Single . Sometimes happily so and other times wishing so badly to find Mr. Right.